After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
