he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
