8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
