my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He? As in you personified your dick?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
