i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
