My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
