I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
