My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
