his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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