if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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