you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
