im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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