you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
