I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
