So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
