I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
