This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
