All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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