There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
