She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My liver just had a heart attack.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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