i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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