My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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