I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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