hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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