Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
