My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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