I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize