"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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