How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just invented taco cereal.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
