I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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