i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
