piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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