a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize