Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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