I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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