Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
