Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
