Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
