My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
