Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
