I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
