Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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