He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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