so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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