As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
