I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize