there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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