My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
