His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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