If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
