Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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