ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
