Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
