toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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