girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
