living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
