remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
