I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
