I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
