I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
