If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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