now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Say something about gay babies.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
