I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
