Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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