The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
