so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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