Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
