Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
