she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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