I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
