Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
