Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
