just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
