Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
