That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
